Words by Liam Murphy | @Liamwaterloo

We all think we are legends in the bedroom. We all think we’ve mastered the art of sucking a big juicy penis but the fact is some of us actually suck at this – not in a good way.  So here at FS HQ we have come up with eight rules for you to improve how you do your thaaang.

Fucking, bumming, blowing, rimming! It’s all part of the package when it comes to sex with another man. And at FS we love it. But! Have you ever been in bed with a hot guy and it’s just not happening? Everything he does is wrong. Too fast at sucking you off. Too slow at fucking you from behind. “Harder dammit!”, “Faster!”, “God will you ever finish the fuck up so I can tweet my thoughts about The Great British Bake Off.” Sound familiar? Well guess what? The chances are that has been said about you too. No? Really? In denial, are we?


You can’t just stick it in straight away and expect him to be happy about it. Frankie says relax… and enjoy some foreplay. Unless a guy is chilled and ready, fucking his arse will probably be a painful experience. Taking the time for foreplay will make sex much more comfortable. This can include rimming, gentle fingering, lubrication, patience and listening to each other and responding appropriately.


Being a top isn’t about being dominant. It’s true that some guys like to be dominated but not everyone does. Don’t just charge in there. If you ask him how he likes to be fucked you can try and fulfil his request, if you like the sound of it. Listen to his reactions too. If he is making noises that suggest he’s in pain, try to move more slowly. Most guys like a change in rhythm now and then so variation is good, but if he’s screaming with joy, keep doing what you’re doing!


The biggest mistake people make is treating someone’s cock like a ketchup bottle. You can’t shake his thing so hard to start off with and expect him to like it. Start slowly and build up the speed as you go. Listen to his moans and that should help with the speed you go at.

Also, with a bit of spit or lube in the palm of your hand and the underside of your fingers you can pretty much get him going. Just get yourself nice and slippery and pass your palm and fingers over the head of his cock – gently, mind. Spend enough time on this and even men with less sensitive cocks can really start to squirm.


When taking a guy’s cock in your mouth, again, remember to build up. Lick it before you suck it, suck the head before you suck the whole of it… you don’t want to go straight in for the kill like something out of Piranha 3D. And let him see you licking and sucking it. Watch out for sensitive men though, they tend not to like too much action at the tip of the cock as it becomes overly sensitive (obvs).

Get in there and use his whole cock. And if you have a bad gag reflex there are two things you can do to help.

Orange juice helps due to the citric acid in it. But, also put your thumb in your fist and clench really hard. This helps distract the brain. Who knew, eh


It’s not just his cock that’s going to enjoy the feeling of your velvet tongue all over it. There’s also his balls, though you do have to go in more gently here as most men are, quite sensibly, nervous when people start chewing on their bollocks.

You can tell how hard he likes things by the volume of his moaning and the motion of his hips. An often forgotten place is the hard bit (well, it’ll be hard if his cock is) between his balls and his arse. Lick it, nibble it, and gently bite it. It’s not that it’s especially sensitive like his cock head but it’s a major turn on and often smells strongly of him (we’re assuming you like him by this stage).


Negotiating who is going to do what to whom is a diplomatic dance, a time-honoured ritual. Sometimes putting a finger in his arse – gently and with lube – or rimming him makes it seem that you are going to be the one doing the fucking but it’s not always the case. Don’t forget, you are allowed to talk about this. A simple, “I’d really like to fuck you” or “I’d really like you to fuck me” is perfectly socially acceptable.


Some people love rimming, some people hate it. Some people only get into it when they meet a certain

person, and then the thing that’s always put them off suddenly makes sense and they can’t wait to get their tongue in there. And some people love having it done, while others find it a slimy old non-event.

Like all sexual practices, there’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all. If you’re going to do this with a man, make sure he likes it first. The biggest thing that puts people off after rimming is having to kiss. Like, who really wants to kiss their own arse? Having some water (if possible) after rimming to take the taste away can help.


Some men want you to get in there and go straight to the point. Others like to be worked up. Finding men’s

sensitive points can be very rewarding and makes sex even better. Ticklish areas tend to be great to explore during sex. So focus on the neck, ears, just behind the ears, torso, lower back and sides. One point, which lots of men never try but works, is the back of the knee. If you don’t believe us, try it. Watch him go crazy as you play with it with your tongue.

Useful links:

Erection problems: www.gmfa.org.uk/erection-problems.

Condoms and lube: www.gmfa.org.uk/condoms-and-lube.

Cumming too quickly: www.gmfa.org.uk/cumming-too-quickly.

To buy cheap condoms and lube, visit the Freedoms shop at: www.freedoms-shop.com.

How risky is fucking without condoms?

Most gay men who have HIV caught it from getting fucked without a condom. As far as gay sex goes, getting fucked without a condom, and having your partner cum inside you, is the riskiest thing you can do. This is because the lining of the arse can absorb liquids directly into your bloodstream. If there’s HIV in his cum, and it goes up your arse, that will be absorbed too. Getting fucked without him cumming inside you is lower risk but, as there is HIV in pre-cum too, there is still a risk of HIV transmission.

In group sex it’s theoretically possible to catch HIV from getting fucked even if your partner is HIV-negative, if he has fucked someone who is HIV-positive and then fucks you immediately afterwards. This is because there could be traces of HIV-infected anal mucus or blood on his cock.

Getting fucked is also high risk for most other STIs, including chlamydia, gonorrhoea, herpes, syphilis, warts, hepatitis B and it is now thought that you can catch hepatitis C as well. Condoms provide an effective barrier against most STIs, including HIV, although some STIs, such as syphilis and warts, can still be transmitted if the condom does not cover the entire infected area, such as the base of the cock. If you are infected with an STI in your arse, it will increase the chances of you being infected with HIV if you are HIV-negative. If you are HIV-positive and have an STI, it is likely that there will be higher concentrations of HIV in all of your body fluids, including blood and anal mucus, and so you will be more infectious.

If the person doing the fucking is HIV-positive and has an undetectable viral load the risk of transmission will be greatly reduced.

What if I fuck without a condom?

Fucking someone without a condom is less risky than getting fucked without a condom, but it is still one of the riskiest sexual practices that gay men do. If you are HIV-negative, fucking someone bareback is more likely to lead to infection than sucking cock. This is because the anal mucus that lines the arse (we all have it) can contain a very high concentration of HIV. The mucous membrane just inside the tip of the penis and the foreskin can absorb liquids, like anal mucus, directly into the bloodstream. HIV experts used to think that infection from the receptive partner (bottom) to the insertive partner (top) was as a result of bleeding in the arse. Although it’s possible that blood is responsible for transmission in some cases, we now think that anal mucus is the body fluid that enables the man doing the fucking to become infected.

Other infections in or around his arse, such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea, herpes, syphilis, warts and hepatitis B can be passed to the guy fucking through his urethra (the tube you piss through). Condoms can prevent most of the infections that you can get from fucking, although it’s worth remembering that some STIs can be transmitted even if you use condoms.

If the guy getting fucked is HIV-positive and has an undetectable viral load the risk of transmission is reduced, however the levels of virus in anal mucus may not match the level of virus in the blood (which is how viral load is usually measured).

How risky are fucking and getting fucked with condoms?

While it is rare, condoms can break during fucking and this could make it possible for HIV or other STIs to be transmitted. Condom breaks usually occur because condoms are used incorrectly or are used for long sessions without changing them. If you use condoms correctly with plenty of water-based lube, it will greatly reduce the chances of them breaking. If you are having group sex, it’s also important to change condoms for each partner. This is because it’s theoretically possible that traces of HIV-infected anal mucus or blood could remain on a condom after a guy with HIV gets fucked. This is also true for other STIs, including hepatitis C. While condoms offer protection against HIV and most STIs, they cannot prevent them all. Even if you always use condoms for fucking we recommend that you get regular sexual health screens at a GUM clinic and continue to test for HIV on an annual basis.

For more information on sex, sexual health, STIs and HIV, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/sex.

Sex and STIs

No matter what sexual act you are doing, there’s a risk of getting an STI. HIV is considered the ‘big one’ because it’s incurable. Once you have it, you have it for life (the same for herpes).

But there are many more STIs out there, some of which you can get from oral and anal sex. And none of them are a barrel of laughs to have to deal with. Here’s what you need to know about:


Chlamydia is a bacterial infection. It is most commonly passed on by fucking or getting fucked without a condom, but it can also be passed on by sucking cock or rimming.


Crabs are usually transferred during naked body contact (yes, we mean sex). Less often, they can be caught from infested bedding, clothes and towels.


Gonorrhoea, or ‘the clap’, is a bacterial infection of the urethra (the tube you piss out of), arse, throat or eyes. It can be passed on by rimming, sucking cock, fucking or getting fucked without a condom.

Hepatitis A

Hepatitis A is found in shit and is acquired by getting shit in your mouth. This can happen through sex acts such as rimming or sucking someone’s cock after unprotected sex.

Hepatitis B

The hepatitis B virus is in blood, cum, piss, spit and shit, as well as other body fluids of a person who’s infected. The virus can be spread by sharing needles, sharing snorting straws, unprotected sex, or by getting blood or infected cum in your mouth, eyes, or on to broken skin.

Hepatitis C

The hepatitis C virus is present primarily in blood (including dried blood) and can also be present in cum. Traditionally injecting drug use was the most common way to catch hepatitis C but it is now known that unprotected sex, particularly high risk sex and group sex, is associated with hep C infection. In particular HIV-positive gay men are getting hepatitis C sexually. However, this does not mean HIV-negative guys are not at risk from unprotected sex or sharing sex toys.


Herpes is a virus that is spread by skin to skin contact. There are two forms of herpes: HSV-1, which causes cold sores around the mouth, and HSV-2, or genital herpes, which leads to sores around the cock and arse. You can get herpes by kissing, sucking cock, rimming, fucking without condoms and even frottage! You can also get it by sharing sex toys. Cold sores on your mouth can be spread to another person’s cock or arse, and genital herpes can be spread to the mouth.


Syphilis is a bacterial infection which is most usually transmitted through fucking without a condom and cock-sucking, but which can also be caught through rimming, fisting and even through skin to skin contact (although this is rare).

How to prevent STIs and HIV

  • In 2014, over 3,300 gay men were diagnosed HIV-positive in the UK.
  • About 80% of new HIV infections come from having sex with men who don’t know they have HIV.
  • About 16% of gay men who are HIV-positive don’t know they have it.

Condoms: Using condoms while having sex is still one of the best ways to avoid picking up any STIs, becoming HIV-positive or passing on HIV. Make sure you use plenty of water-based lube too. Stay away from Vaseline and baby oil – they will make the condom rip.

Cum outside: If you are someone who doesn’t use condoms and you’re a bottom then it will decrease the risk if he doesn’t cum inside you. However there is still HIV in pre-cum and he may blow his load before he has the chance to pull out, so this is still highly risky sex. If you are a top remember that HIV can be present in anal mucus (the stuff that lines the inside of the arse), so pulling out will not reduce the risk.

HIV-positive: If you are HIV-positive, on medication and undetectable then the chances of passing on HIV are very low. However using condoms will further reduce the risk of passing on HIV and STIs.

For more information, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/condoms-and-lube.

PEP is a month-long course of HIV medication that can stop you becoming HIV-positive if started within 72 hours after sex (the sooner you start taking it the better). If you think you’ve been exposed to HIV, contact your local GUM clinic or go to an A&E. For more info on PEP, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/pep.

Test for STIs: All sexually active gay men should test for STIs at least once a year. If you are having sex with new partners then you should test more frequently. Test for HIV too when you’re there. It takes about two weeks for most STIs and four weeks for HIV to show up in a test. 

For more information or to find your nearest GUM clinic, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics.

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